Well, I feel “right” again. I have a mala made of yak bone and a few nights ago I picked up that mala and I held it in my hands and I began to recite “Om Mani Padme Hum” while holding the first bead, then the second, then the third..all the way to 108. I havent felt so tranquil, so peaceful, and so full of light in a very long time and I realized that this is where I need to be. My mind doesnt need to stray far from God because far from God is where I am least happy. Near God is where I am completely illumined. I felt genuinely happy and at peace with everything in my life. I loved that feeling. So, I decided that I was ready again. I thought it over for a few days and I made a purchase today of 4 Rudraksha Malas.