I decided that I would not buy any more Rudraksha Mala’s until I felt that I was back into a secure spot, spiritually. Well, now I feel secure again. I have never turned my back on my faith or my God. But, sometimes God would not be on my mind, where God should constantly reside, along with inside my heart. Now, dont get me wrong. I never lived some pious, devout life. I have never been a monk, and I still am NOT a monk..hahaa. I dont believe that spirituality and God are reserved for the elite. However, in my own personal brand of spirituality, in my own faith, there have been times in recent years where I felt less than worthy because I was too caught up in other things and forgot my spiritual path.